Well, first time having the wonderful experience of continuous writing after writing again. I thought history EOYs last year were bad enough apparently not. Well, at least one night's rest better help. Kind of dumb to have both my arms and shoulders hurting when all I did was write and write.

Personally, it's quite amusing how all the humanities subjects can train writing. You can change postures over the whole period of 3 hours of writing, be it slouching in the chair, leaning against the table, head on the table and any other posture you can think off and the hand is still writing and writing. Quite amazing. And mildly amusing lol.

And another insight, they need to have a course of training for all teachers to invigilate -.- I think most of the invigilators so far half play a part for ruining my mood for tests. Interesting things that are done during invigilation hmm. But I suppose one and a half hours of wonderful staring at pupils scribbling ain't nice.

---

Finally over phew.

Need to relax, rest and sleep. After which start on the wonderful heap of things left to do.

---

On a side note, I just kind of dismantled the handphone earphone adapter accidentally. Interesting what's on the inside, but wells, it better not break apart. 48 dollars was supposed to last for at least 1 year to be worth it -.- Or maybe 2. It's only been a few months grah.

---

Unhealthy diet nowadays xD

And hungry.

♥ 9:12 PM

如果那些本來給你力量的人反而讓你一個頭兩個大, 把問題變得更加複雜, 心裡的感覺應該是很難受的吧.

如果春夏秋冬少了任何一季, 季節就永遠不可能完整.

如果平日所習慣的遠離你而去, 應該會崩潰吧?

只是現在, 不只是習慣不能再是習慣, 而是完全變了.

從來沒有想過自己的情緒會被這麼簡單的事情而有這麼大的起伏, 沒有想過原來習慣是這麼可怕的, 沒有想過無能為力的感覺是如此糟的.

這一切感覺像是一場夢, 這一切感覺太誇張了.

只是看著眼前的一切, 知道這一切不是夢, 是真的.

有人能告訴我要怎麼開心起來, 怎麼不再去想嗎?

一切都散了, 一切都變質了.

現在, 大概只能希望一切能快點好起來吧.

---

有時候, 自己的人生還不是自己能夠做主的.

---

考試明明就在眼前了, 我怎麼一點感覺也沒有. 明知道這次的考試是重要的, 為何我什麼都不想做.

有人可以把我打醒嗎? 我真的不想再一次地面對自己根本無法進步的成績, 不想再一次讓父母對我感到失望. 但是沒有了動力, 我真的什麼都做不了.

明天應該會更好吧, 對嗎?

至少有人在身旁, 至少不用去想那麼多.

---
心情再低落, 也總是有一些事情讓我打從心裡笑出來, 讓我暫時忘掉眼前的煩惱和悲傷.

真的謝謝你, 因為有你們, 至少我不會感到孤單. 真的謝謝你. ^^

沒有你, 我應該徹底地崩潰了吧?

黑暗的時期, 一定有辦法能夠度過, 對吧?

♥ 1:22 AM

Well, some things in life are just amazing. It's quite amazing how so long has passed since I was in primary school and so many things have changed, to the extent that I don't even think I can find the old me.

Grasping opportunities was never something I did good. Neither is taking initiative. So at the end of the day, I suffer the most, haha. But sometimes, hard to do either of that, especially when you feel deep in your heart it's wrong to do that.

Irony describes my life these days.

And haha at least today was uh productive. Yess, 20 questions in 3 hours, better than 1 hour per question. But I think I shall dieeeee when block tests come because well, not enough time left grah. Shall be a wonder how I can survive haha.

---

爱不单行 is somehow stuck in my mind again hmmm.


---

Must jiayous tmr! And Sunday! Temple visit better work!

♥ 12:58 AM

Don't really know what to feel lately.

Too many conflicting emotions.

Even if you had been expecting that something bad to happen for a long time, when it really does happen, the pain in your heart can be quite unbelievable. And it takes time to get over it, if ever.

But at least there're always some things to be worth smiling about ^^

Hope keeps me going. And that hope shall not die away.

If not, I really don't know where to get my motivation from.

---

Tomorrow shall be productive.

---
沒人了解　才選擇隔絕這世界
有點疲倦　已決裂的信念
白色球鞋　走不回喧鬧的海邊
月光營火　照亮許多笑臉

瘋狂畫面停留在眼前
默契卻漸行漸遠
我們約好闖蕩的那片天
我一個人向前＊

我流浪在擁擠的從前
複習一頁頁黑白的空蕩夏天
呆坐在熱鬧的路邊　啤酒沒變甜
卻少了傻得很認真的心願

我流浪在孤單的邊緣
懷念揮霍著笑聲的耀眼藍天
聽著那熟悉的音樂　只剩下琴弦
希望讓時間回到誤解那天

能有機會說聲抱歉

This reminds me of so much. A lot of first times, a lot of touching moments. <3

There are some things that can never be forgotten. And well, some things will always be in our hearts.

---

I have a wonderful to-do list after block tests. Shall I thank god that tests end on thursday?

Need to really get into the mood of things.

Block test revision package for one. And maybe history. I shall attempt to leave CSC to very last minute, maybe >< Just maybe.

♥ 12:46 AM

Whew, so today ended up being another horrible slack day just because I slept too late >< Someone remind me to never sleep at 2am again -.- But at least I finished supply, somewhere in the middle of equilibrium price and that doesn't even sound like enough. I feel screwed. But ah wells, tomorrow shall be more productive, I declare. History needs to be started like NOW.

I suddenly feel thankful for the tons of tests that I had for history. Thanks to all the notes I made beforehand, history feels less stressful. Even it that only applies to Southeast Asian history hmm. Tons more to go for international history ><

Finally did something for PW ^^ Even if it was kind of overdue haha.

GP is still dao-ed, sadly. Maybe tomorrow. But I shall finish econs until macro economy and somehow start on CSC first.

Lol this is ending up like some report of my revision progress haha.

Going to miss a few hours of studying on Saturday because I promised to help a friend do something xD Sure hope that doesn't affect, so I so have to buck up from tomorrow. Because well, there's still the motivation in me to keep studying xD

---

On a sidenote, Babar is so cute <3 I think I fell in love with the elephant. Even if the cartoon seems like some kind of idealized version of colonialism.

I'm addicted to the cartoon, and suddenly felt like my childhood was deprived because I didn't watch it haha. Especially if it's the second most famous cartoon after Mickey Mouse :O

♥ 11:59 PM

Ah wells, today started out nice. Until it was lateee at night.

I mean well, I was in a wonderful mood for morning and afternoon, since I did do the things I wanted to and my mood was still like carrying over from yesterday xD Totally great day, even if it was kind of hot weather >< Nice friends I have to talk to ^^ And that totally let my mood go even happier xD

And I managed to get started on econs! Effectively dao-ing GP which is the first subject, but I deem econs to be more important heh. ^^ Even if I can't find lectures 1 to 3 and shall dao it for now, demand and supply feels basic ><

And it was still a nice day, until some storm broke out in the house -.-

It's supposed to be Fathers' Day today isn't it? So why didn't I feel any of the nice mushy feelings that was supposed to be going around the house? I mean watching TV was nice and stuff. But is it like destined that everytime my mom comes back from Malaysia, there must be some storm brewing in my house?

The "slam" of the door was not nice, neither was the screaming and throwing. But then I think I got an insight into where my somewhat explosive behaviour sometimes come front. Too bad negative negative didn't make positive. I think I'm still half shocked from that, but wells, can't be avoided, seems to me.

Just hoping that everything will be better after a few days, or better, one night's sleep (:

For now, optimism in full force while I attempt to get high and do the stuff I really want to do xD Now that at least I released some of my pent-up emotions.

---

The gift is still lying on my bed -.-


---

And my previous blog post looked wrong haha.

I still maintain that 幸福不灭 is a damn nice song that is totally addictive xD And at least the tune is kind of soothing, even if the lyrics are uber touching and meaningful <3

More than 95% of the songs I listen to are love songs hmm. But since when can you find one that doesn't talk about love, haha. Or friends, or family. xD

♥ 11:16 PM

The feeling of getting something that you've been anticipating for a long time is truly wonderful. I don't even think I can start to describe my feelings right now.

Happiness, being high, excited, and any other positive emotion rolled up seems like the best description I can give.

But then really, even just a glimmer of hope that something you've been waiting for for a long time is about to happen. That is just enough for the moment. And I would think that provides the best motivation that anyone can get.

Because if that really happens, there's nothing in the world that would make me slip the opportunity, there's nothing in the world that would stop me from doing that something I've wanted for a long time. <3

I don't know for sure what will happen, but I'm sure going to start praying and buck up. Just because nothing will stand in my way.

The kind of happiness I feel now is unparalleled to anything I've ever felt before, and I don't mind feeling that way. Because I know, that hope has been with me for months. <3

Please let it just happen.

♥ 1:12 AM

没原因 就是喜欢你
在初次相遇 有重逢的心情
深呼吸 让心动隐形
完美的爱情 是无声的旋律

听 我听你 不确定的语气
等 我等你 放下你的犹豫
嘿 如果你 轻轻闭上眼睛
我会明白 你做的决定

Cause I Believe 那幸福不灭的定律
在你手心 会有谁给你的美丽
静者恒静 就让我的心安静地守着你
祝福不用回音

没原因 就是喜欢你
就像海眷恋 天空般 的心情
你前进 看着你背影
就足够世界 无条件 的放晴

你 如果已 爱上他的姓名
爱 如果已 没有我的空隙
嘿 只要你 可以永远开心
我会情愿 渐渐被忘记

Cause I Believe 那幸福不灭的定律
在你手心 会有谁给你的美丽
静者恒静 就让我的心安静地守着你
把祝福送给你

Oh I believe Cause I believe
那幸福不灭的定律
你的手心 不一定要由我握紧
就像恒星 总会有发光的原因

Oh I believe 你值得被珍惜
也值得我放弃

---

I think I'm addicted to this song.

The lyrics are so meaningful that somehow, hearing it, tears can well up in your eyes. And well, the tune is just wonderful.

Wondering why I never discovered its existence in my phone till yesterday.

But well, this shall be the last of me blogging for this week, maybe.

Since tomorrow, I shall try full force mugging.

Much as the Internet is nice for talking to people, it's still distracting.

♥ 11:53 PM

Okay, so I ended up not going to mug in school due to things that cropped up last minute >< So as of date, everything other than Math is still untouched. Not good.

I am contemplating staying up late tonight just to start mugging. Because I'm quite vaguely aware that otherwise, I'll just be really dead when block tests come.

One thing that my friend said, and I find quite true. "Procrastinating" is like my favourite word now, just because I use it so much. Even going out to the library can be put off until I really need to go. This habit, is something I desperately need to change. While doing things last minute can work at times, sometimes, it simply just ends up with horror. Like I am not going to imagine how late I am going to get home later, just because I'm procrastinating by blogging. And maybe waiting, but that's besides the point.

It's not that I don't have the motivation to continue doing things, I just don't have the motivation to start. Like the wonderful programming book that is sitting somehwhere in my room as of now. Somewhere in me, that motivation lies. I kind of just need to get it out even for just a moment. I mean, if I can find the motivation to do Math and Math is my worst subject, there's no reason why I can't find motivation for the other subjects, which I really kind of like. Maybe except for GP.

And subbing, something I feel the passion for, I can get the motivation to do it.

School must be quite boring to me subconsciously. ><

But yes, today shall mark the start of history reading, which I might as well commence now, since I have nothing else much to do.

And droning on and on here doesn't seem like much of an option to me.

I wonder who comes here anyway, since I bet a lot of people don't even know the existence of this blog which works fine for me too.

---

时间是一道在你身边静静守候的催眠曲 它让你不经意就忘了眼前的欢笑与忧伤 也提醒你要珍惜曾经拥有的一切 ♥

How true that is. I mean the past goes, and when time passes, suddenly, all the emotions that seemed so strong in the past faded away and all there's left is just a shadow of that strong emotion that overtook your heart entirely. The past left me with wonderful memories, but those memories are still memories, and much as they leave me with a smile on my face, time can never be turned back. Treasuring what we had, instead of blaming others for why we lost that, is always the best isn't it? It sure will make life much happier, if we can let go of the past and embrace the present and future. But then again, the present is never nice, neither is the future. Optimism is really hard in some cases, but well, it still can be done. Not thinking about it works too. Life's complicated.

---

Sometimes, I just wish I could know what another person is thinking.

♥ 6:14 PM

Today was finally the most productive of all days since the start of the holidays.

I kind of regret doing something like dao-ing integration tutorial before the hols started, because I think I spent at least 4 hours finishing it up, with the answer key no less. And supplementary exercise is just quite bad, considering I got stuck at Q2 and decidedly skipped it. Until I got stuck again at Q7 -.- But then well, at least I was inspired along the way ^^

And even as there is this sense of guilt somewhere hidden at the back of my mind that I haven't exactly started mugging anything at all, I figured that mugging last minute has always been my habit anyway, even if I am kind of dying for quite a lot of subjects, worst being Math. And after block tests, I don't want to imagine my results. I would very much like to put the blame on something like being a Sagittarius, but then even that can be changed I think. >< But nvm shall just enjoy the rest of this week as far as possible and next week shall start full force cramming and mugging. I declare home a not conducive environment due to abundance of distractions.

But well, at least tomorrow going school to mug with Venus and Yijia. I just realised I haven't touched anything like history and csc in the past 2 weeks plus. Not econs and gp either. Just math and more math. So tomorrow would be a good start. But then again, I don't feel like I can survive without the internet these days (what with using the phone for facebook and msn ^^) , so I'm like praying wireless in school is all good and nice now that I finally figured out how to set the proxy -.- But if not, well, don't think I will be feeling too happy mugging either. Because well, some things would serve to be more as inspiration and motivation rather than distractions. xD

---
全世界我只看见
你的视线你的一切

♥ 11:39 PM

Lol and this is mildly amusing:

http://koltregaskes.amplify.com/2010/07/10/people-who-stay-up-late-have-higher-iqs/

Really quite amusing.

Doesn't factor in people who have a tendency to sleep late and wake up wayy later hmm xD

♥ 12:50 AM

Well, admittedly, today was quite a nice day. I'm actually starting to see the merits of waking up early hmm. Even if 12pm is kinda late, it's still early compared to like 2pm or 4pm -.-

I was feeling really reluctant and lazy to go out at 1 plus and dragged going out till 2 when I was quite sure that if not, dex will be stuck somewhere in the middle of admiralty waiting for a long time ><

Pool was mildly amusing actually. My horrible sense of aiming needs to be improved, be it basketball or pool. I can't even shoot a ball into the hoop I bet >< Most of the balls that went into the hole today were flukes or something equivalent of that. Which kind of does say a lot about my pool playing skills. But then again, at least I think I improved towards the end of the 1 hour :D But still, anybody playing with me will be like quite amused/bored.

X-Men after that. I have to admit, it is a pretty inspiring movie and interesting too, even if I was reminded of history throughout the entire movie. Jupiter missiles in Turkey ahem. Not nice. Especially when I'm like staring the stack of unread history notes in the face. I still have to say, I like studying the Cuban Missile Crisis :D

How do you even exactly define normal? I mean each and every one of us were created to be unique individuals with your own habits and liking. So why on earth would people want to establish a social norm and make everybody conform to what the majority believes is right? Even if you weren't mutants (and I still believe they exist in the world, except mutants sounds really bad), everyone is still different. I will bet that in each individual, there is this one abnormal part, or maybe even more. Just because most of society doesn't possess that particular trait doesn't mean that you can't fit into society. Because society was created in such a way that there are people of all kinds around, there's no way that somebody is unable to called "fit into" society. But then again, that's in the ideal world. In the real world, everyone just slaps on the title of "normal" and "abnormal" to everyone. But who are we even to define that? And normal shouldn't even exist in the world. Since anything can happen in this world. Even I myself probably am guilty of classifying things into normal and abnormal, it's just this social trend that everyone will somehow follow. Trying to change that is hard, it's like changing the entire way of your own thinking, but well, I still believe that it can be done.

And I realized, I kind of need to open up more ><

It's still amazing how the little things in life can make people happy. ^^

♥ 12:08 AM

One recent blog post of my friend prompted me to think about quite a lot of stuff.

Looking at the number of friends that I have on facebook, I realized that there were really quite a number who I have never seen before in real life, yet we manage to bond as well, over something common, Fahrenheit <3

What truly defines a friend?

I remember that on my first day of GP lesson, when Mr Tan asked us to write down one question for me, I wrote that. Just because that day, our comprehension was on Facebook, and he talked about this online friend of his.

When you search in the dictionary, a friend is defined as:

1. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
2. A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. A person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

I would be tempted to think that most people view 1 as their friends. But then again, everyone has friends with different degrees of closeness.

1 and 3 do apply quite a lot. Everyone has acquaintances who you can talk to when you meet for a short period of time. And when that happens, everyone's happy and at least time is well spent talking to people you relatively like. To some extent, 1 and 3 can be quite similar.

But when it comes to close friends, there is nothing like words that can express the kind of feelings you have towards each other, and the things that you do for each other.

Thinking of that person the moment you are sad, telling that person every little thing in your life, wanting to be there for that person. I think that is what a true friend is really about, someone close to your heart, someone who you can rely on forever.

There might not be such things as forever friends, but for the sake of it, this kind of friendships should really be treasured because I believe that, even though it is hard to come by, any kind of friendship of this extent can withstand anything.

It's amazing how fate brings people together, be it as friends or as anything else.

But who you choose to keep by your side and confide in is really up to yourself, and for me, I really have some close friends I want to keep for the rest of my life.

♥ 4:52 PM

And I just realised I'm getting exposed to a lot of lame people, like seriously.

When people are buying 包s and then suddenly something lame like:

When the friend of a 包 and a 馒头 got ill, 包 cried, 馒头 didn't. Why? Because 包 has feelings (fillings), 馒头 doesn't.

Then I know seriously I getting exposed to too many lame people -.-

And I think I just spent my past idk how many hours laughing off to nowhere at supposedly lame jokes.

So if next time, I end up being super lame, it's not my fault. Really.

---

I think making goals on blogs soo don't work.

Considering I seriously digressed for the past few hours.

♥ 10:19 PM

And the spam messages are getting super annoying.

♥ 5:06 PM

I feel like I've been slacking my life away.

Alternating between waking up at 2pm and 4pm during the holidays is the dumbest thing that can ever happen, even during holidays.

It's quite amazing how I can be surrounded by people who are so busy that 24 hours doesn't seem like enough and they have to go out everyday and I can be here at home, slacking my days away like nobody's business.

I do have a stack of books from the library lying somewhere. They were supposed to be uh self enriching but I think I just spent the past few days immersed in something like 4 fantasy books and TV dramas. It's amazing how my mom hasn't come anywhere near to slaughtering me yet.

Even if I am going to end up slaughtering myself for slacking the past 2 weeks away.

2 weeks left to go mug the piles and piles of notes for CSC, history and econs, that are totally unfiled and scattered everywhere -.- And to start on GP holiday homework. And to clear the looong overdue HBL. -.-

I need to set goals. First off will be history essay hmm.

Interesting how everytime I think of starting work, history pops up into my mind first, not GP or CSC or econs or (urgh) Math.

Well, maybe I will somehow get into the mood of studying by starting on that. Just maybe.

Math is a headache I realised. Possibly worse than GP but who knows. PW is another.

♥ 4:53 PM

Past two days were quite fun actually.

Like even though I kinda got sabo-ed into playing the wonderful straw game for the third time in my entire life (better have no more of that), but yea, at least rest of it was fun.

And first time I think I did more impromptu for presentations. InnovateIT didn't exactly count ><

And not to mention walking a looong way to Bukit Timah Plaza. Quite amusing how concept and logs switched roles or something, but at least we got to see how sad people at the counter struggle with mass orders at kfc and how 23 orders can jam up the queue. Kfc turned out to have enough space hmm. Balancing on the bus with tons of things ain't nice though xD

I still don't like Golden Rooster food.

And yay I can remember the facs to name now, or at least those who turned up for training lol. I thought I would need mug shots or something.

First time seeing Barney in real life, I think it was quite amusing. Purple dinosaur looks kinda cute, but then again, I grew up watching Barney so I suppose I have some kind of special attachment to it.

And really, even though the day didn't end off that nicely (that seems like an understatement), but thanks to everyone who waited for me very nicely (:

Special thanks to Huimin and Yeehui. ^^ Thanks loads for all the advice given and comforting me throughout the entire thing (: I still think we should go out someday lol xD And this time sure got curfew haha. Both of you are really great friends to have! ^^

On a sidenote, I finally cleared out my inbox -.-

♥ 11:34 PM