Dance Night was wonderful, really!

I think though I spent half of the time trying to spot people, it really was a nice production put up by all!

And yess, finally the start of holidays, the start of a relatively more stress free time, or so I hope.

But first thing to clear, CSC essay. ><

Maybe tomorrow I shall decide to start on it, but for now, it'll be something of a guilt trip for me.

Next thing, PW. That needs a lot more work sheesh.

And after that, tons of holiday work and mugging. Mostly math is my worry, since it's the worst out of all subjects. That doesn't mean to slack on other subjects either haiz.

But at least these days have been quite nice so far.

Lots of things to think about, but when at least these things are quite nice in general, it's all good.

It's quite funny how my arm hurts after one day of doing street sales. I don't even remember carrying something that heavy on my left hand ><

And when I woke up, I think I did something to my shoulder, though I can't really tell what's wrong with it, except that it's sore.

Late sleeping, late awakenings, here I come.

Subbing and mugging, here I come.

June hols hopefully are nice enough!

愛不單行 is really a nice song, and too addictive. (:

♥ 2:01 AM

Why is it that in society, to survive, you must have a portfolio?

Leadership experience, CIP, academics, even sports. But the point is not everybody can get access to these experiences.

It gets quite depressing when even though you put in the effort, things just don't end up the way you want them to be. And even though some people don't put in that much effort, they actually strike the correct thing and get it.

So technically, it's quite dependent on how you grab opportunities, and make use of them for your advantage. Choose the wrong goal, and end up failing, no matter how much effort put in.

Whoever says that putting in effort will get you the thing you want, has to take a lot of other factors into consideration.

I won't be surprised, that if by the end of 2 years, even though my academics might be okay, I will end up failing quite horribly in life because of not knowing how to grab opportunities when they come along.

Leadership needs experience, doesn't it?

And while I was quite depressed yesterday over the results, who wouldn't be? It's just a lesson learnt, I suppose. And try to strive for whatever minimal leadership position there can be. Since class ones are all snapped up anyway ><

Opportunities are decreasing, and so is my future outlook getting more pessimistic.

But haiz, when was life not like this?

---

On a lighter note, nice songs I've been listening to lately.

The phone screwing up to mess up my playlists doesn't seem that bad.

愛只有簡單筆劃
卻比想像複雜
恨安定愛變化

♥ 10:45 PM

崩潰是可怕的.
不知道為了什麼崩潰是更可怕,更黑暗的.
明明就可以是很好的一天, 明明就是美好的一天不知不覺變得好可怕.
不控制,不了解.
昨天看著黑暗的夜空, 感覺那冷風吹過, 真的好珍惜心裡的平靜.
也沒想過會這樣,更沒想過也有辦法可以這樣.
只能說世事難料.
家人的擔心, 真的感到欣慰.
只是有時候, 真的只想自己一個人.
如果連自己都不知道,講出來應該是很難的事吧?
只知道蠻氣自己不能控制, 什麼都做不了,做不好.

♥ 4:04 PM

One interesting thought today just popped into my mind while I was on the MRT.

But apparently, more inspiring things come to me while my brain is operating on half power due to lack of sleep.

When is the point when you really know that you have let go of the past completely and moved on to the present and into the future?

More often than not, when you have finally convinced yourself that the past is no longer as significant, it comes back to haunt you as you discover how big of an impact the past still has on you. But to move to the present, it does feel necessary to let go of the past. The question is how.

One can't exactly say for sure whether he/she lives in the past, present or future, since we all do that at different times of our lives and even as the day passes by, we get immersed in either one of those, sometimes even two. So how on earth does one define whether you can truly let go of the past.

Because sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the past is still an obstacle and thinking of the past does stir up feelings in the heart unknown to anybody else.

Maybe when the past significantly weighs less than the present, when you know that the impact is not as great anymore, it means that you can truly move on to the (maybe) more wonderful things that are awaiting in the present and future.

Maybe, just maybe.

And who can measure the impact anyway?

--

Sleep deprivation is not nice at all.

Though I'm actually quite amazed at how awake I can be when I slept so little the previous day. I don't think I felt so awake in econs before. Did I?

♥ 10:58 PM

I'm not going to believe that my last post was about one week ago. Maybe because I don't even remember what happened one week ago that much. Except for mugging math I think. And ILP. So much passed since then.

I have to admit, math results are really kind of depressing. Although I was expecting this kind of results and I didn't feel that bad from looking at ISP, it turns out that telling parents about bad results churns a lot of guilt from me. I did try my best during the test, it was not like I slept through the test. But somehow, I just didn't get it. And from that, I know how much more I need to work for math. Because math needs practice, practice and more practice. On a side note, I never did realize how integration can be so fulfilling until today.

Waiting for econs marks, and truthfully, not looking forward to it. Because I don't feel like looking at a drop in percentile or grade. Just intuition. And maybe this time, my intuition might be wrong -.- Hopefully.

My sleeping habits feel more regular lately, I think that the computer limit until 11.30 does help. I mean, there's only that much I can do with my phone, like blogging and facebook. Trying to load videos is torture because it takes so long. I like the regular sleep thing, but why is it that I end up feeling more tired? -.-

----

I like the variety of songs I'm listening to nowadays. Quite inspiring lyrics, really.

♥ 11:50 PM

I realized today, that there are many nice songs hidden on my phone.

Just because I stuck to my normal playlist, and would have continued sticking to it if not for my phone going bonkers, I didn't rediscover all these nice songs that are really reflective of some deep emotions within me.

Songs do have the ability to affect people.

When you are listening to an emo one, no matter how happy you were, or feeling neutral, your mood would go down with it. And right after that, if you here a slightly more cheerful song, even the steps taken will be lighter and it feels as if everything is better, even for just a while.

I have to say that of Singapore Town -.- Tune is catchy enough and truthfully, I don't get tired of it. At least not yet, though I've been listening to it way too long for econs ILP.

But really, the song that inspired this was 喜欢你怎么办。

Imagine that before, you were listening to some really emo love song. I suppose this does say that songs do give different perspectives of love, those sad heart-wrenching ones and those that reflect the kind of pure innocent and carefree love that most people are after.

---

来不及回那一天 我们相遇的季节
曾经一起美好的画面 如今却消失不见
来不及说的明天 对我们都太珍贵
就让时间冲淡这一切 把眼泪 全藏在心里面

One thing I realize, a common theme among sad love songs, they talk about going back to that past, when everything was better.

And really, in real life, who doesn't want that?

Memories do tend to cause people to drown at times. Even if they are happy.

♥ 2:34 AM

Came across this today. Or more like listened to it and saw this in an apt situation that touched my heart.

终於我明白
你的感受
看深爱的人远走
比全面失去
好过一些
记忆永远会留着

我能做的
事情一件也没有了
请别说破
最后一道沉默
无法接受
夏天一放手就坠落
破碎的冰河
往悲伤缓慢的漂流

说分手就分手
你一定是在骗我
好让我一夜看透
失去你我算什麽
好难过别捉弄
还想陪你到尽头
谁需要什麽自由
我的世界早被你垄断占有

哭也找不到
坚持理由
这是我最难过的
比全面失去
心痛一些
记忆永远会留着

Really, haven't heard this song in so long.

Yet, it manages to evoke emotions in me that I thought would be just a bit better these few days.

Apparently not.

I wonder, how many people in the world go through the same thing.

The same heartache.

---

想念是會呼吸的痛.
Another song that has been stuck in my mind.

♥ 1:51 AM